A Scandal in Belgravia

~*~*RECAP*~*~

Moriarty: NUMEROUS DEATH THREATS WHICH ALTERNATE BETWEEN THE FINE LINE OF CREEPY CUTE AND FUCKING SHIT-HE'S-BATSHIT-INSANE SCARY

John: Sweating it out in this vest

Moriarty & Sherlock: FOE YAY

Cliffhanger: IS FRUSTRATING

~insert a year and a half or so~

Everyone: WE ARE STILL INTENSE AND PERHAPS WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE AREN'T YOU JUST DYING TO FIND OUT WHAT THE CONCLUSION TO THIS IS

~cue the beegees~

Moriarty: oh my god mum. sorry, she gets mad if I stay out late

Sherlock: oh my god tell me about it, my brother

Moriarty: SHOUTING soft death threats. oop silly me, I got the date wrong. I'm not dying til next year, pfffft you know you get these things mixed up

Sherlock: OH I SEE SO THIS LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION ISN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU WELL THEN.

Moriarty: bbl k

~MEANWHILE~

Irene: SEX.

~TITLE SEQUENCEEE.~

John: Wow suddenly business is booming

Sherlock: I am healthier and I eat now

Citizens: Please solve our mysteries oh great detective

Internet: John your blog is damn fine

John: TUMBLR FAMOUS

Sherlock: ugh hats quick

Press: OOH HATS

Sherlock: fuck everything fucking press and fucking fans and fucking HAT - JOHN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU NAMING OUR CHILDREN I MEAN CASES, CASES IS WHAT I MEANT

John: Shut up bitch I like created you

~CASE TIME~

Lestrade: ok he's a dick but don't punch him

Sherlock: I am too smart to leave the house and enter the fog of stupidity which is the outside world so John skype me when you get there

John: you're in a sheet

Sherlock: I know.

John & Sherlock: HUMOROUS DOMESTIC BANTER

Mycroft: fetch me the problem sticks

John: HELICOPTER

Sherlock: no fuk you I don't care about clothes

~IN BUCKINGHAM PALACE~

Sherlock: what pants I have no need of pants

John: so just to clarify you're completely naked beneath that sheet

Sherlock: utterly

Sherlock & John: trolololfanstrolololol

Mycroft: put your pants on you little shit

Sherlock: NO U

Mycroft: So just to confirm that he is completely naked under the sheet -

Sherlock: OH FINE

Mycroft: irene adler info dump sex sex photos

Sherlock: boring

Mycroft: OH MY GOD FUCK YOU - sherlock just take the case

Sherlock: ok gurl laterz also thanks for the ashtray

Sherlock & John: trolololololol

~LATERZ~

Irene: Sherlock's coming*

Sherlock: Let's go visit Irene

Irene: What shall I wear?

Sherlock: OH GOD WHAT DO I WEAR

Irene: ok just what I'm most comfortable in

Sherlock: I'll just stick with my normal

Irene: Makeup time for colour, suggestively gay companion

Sherlock: Punch me in the face for some colour, please John

ONE BEAT UP VICAR LATER

Irene: naked

Sherlock: what the fuck are those

John: I know what they are

Sherlock: I just want the phone

Irene: I just want to talk cases

Americans: We just want to shoot everything AMERICA AMERICA

John: AMERICANS

Americans: open the safe

Sherlock: LOL NO

Americans: or we will shoot your boyfriend

Sherlock: CODE

GUNS AND PUNCHING AND BADASSERY IN GENERAL

Irene: phone

Sherlock: mine

Irene: drugs

Sherlock: well fuck.

~DRUG TRIP~

Irene: hiker boomerang boom bang dead

Sherlock: drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrug

Irene: also thanks for the coat c u soon bb

~BREAKFAST~

Mrs Hudson: How dare you send your baby brother in against CIA killers

Mycroft: oh shut up -

John & Sherlock: ANGRY BEAR CUB IMPRESSIONS

~CHRISTMAS~

John: I love jan and rosalia I mean don't you like this jumper

Sherlock: violinnnn

Molly: i put the cuddly in cadaver

Sherlock: there is no cuddly in cadaver also your breasts and mouth are small

Molly: please stop crushing my soul

Sherlock: touching signs of regret and guilt and an apologetic kiss

Molly: ~oh jesus fuck god he kissed me oh god fuck what was that noise that was a moan oh god did i moan please tell me i didn't moan fuck oh god did i? no wait no. shit what if they think it's me, they'll think i'm some creepy fangirl who stalks him and makes shrines out of his used chewy and sings love ballads to a locket photo of him oh god they'll think i'm a fangirl~ I'M NOT A FANGIRL!!

Sherlock: no that was me.

Everyone: wait what.

Phone: basically irene's dead

Sherlock: well fuck.

~MORGUE~

Irene: yup completely dead on a slab

Mycroft: fag?

Sherlock: for the last time, john and I are not - oh, yeah, sure. mycroft? are we creepy as fuck creepers with no friends and no ability to connect to anyone else?

Mycroft: would you rather be normal?

Sherlock: this is a shitty cigarette.

~back at 221B~

John's girlfriend: You're great I just wish you weren't gay

John: I'll walk your dog

John's ex: I don't have one u dick

Sherlock: if you messed up my socks there will be dire consequences

~NEW YEARS~

John: mycroft stop playing MIB with me

Irene: jkes just me

John: what the actual fuck fucking tell him you're alive because he's almost heartbroken and I don't know what to do you bitch

Irene: Jealous?

John: I AM NOT GAY

Irene: yeah but I am and we're both in love with him. Pretty fucked aren't we.

Sherlock: fuck you sideways Irene

~221b~

Mrs Hudson: halp

Americans: GUNS PHONE NOW DID WE MENTION THE GUNS

Sherlock: My name is Sherlock Holmes. You hurt my landlady. Prepare to die.

Lestrade: what the fuck happened

Sherlock: idk.

Mrs Hudson: I saved the phone though because old bitches get shit done

~Later~

Irene: hey boys decipher me some code

Sherlock: PLANE BOND AIR 007

John: Told you Bond night would come in handy some day

Irene: Have the sex with me.

Sherlock:

Irene:

Sherlock:

John: COCKBLOCK.

~Night~

Irene: Have the sex with me

Sherlock: Where's John, he should be cockblocking

Man: I can do that for you

~PLANE~

Sherlock: but they are dead

Mycroft: wow really.

Sherlock: but. but

Mycroft: SHERLOCK YOU FUCKED UP ALL THE THINGS THAT A PERSON COULD POSSIBLY FUCK UP.

Irene: give me all the things.

Mycroft: well fuck.

Irene: lol in league with moriarty the whole time also he has mean nicknames for both of you lololol

Sherlock: no.

Irene: what

Sherlock: You. are. sherlocked.

Irene: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUU

Sherlock: also fuck you, those were mean nicknames.

~Some months later~

Mycroft: So John we'll meet at cafe's now since you asked so nicely

John: but you weren't there when I said that -

Mycroft: I'm always there.

John: ahaha you're creepy, so what can I do for you

Mycroft: Irene is dead but let's tell sherlock she isn't so he doesn't start composing sad music again

John: yup sounds good.

~221b~

John: awkwardly attempting to lie

Sherlock: cool story bro but let me keep the phone.

~flashbacking~

Irene: Goodbye Mr Holmes.

Sherlock: i save you

~221b~

Sherlock: lol I got em so good.

1 month ago  /  1,859 notes  /  Source: teacupsandcyanide